First things first

As mothers and older women it's about fixing ourselves.

A friend of mine commented on the last post like this:

 I don't have a daughter yet, but one thing I have learned from others is to be really careful about what you say about yourself and others. If a mother constantly talks about her weight (whether it is "I wish I weren't so fat" or "I wish I didn't have to work out all the time to stay this skinny") girls pick up on that priority. I like to hear mothers talk about being healthy (not fat or skinny) "so we can have the energy to do the things God wants us to do."


This was a great comment and hit right at the next point I was going to make.  (Which is why I didn't comment to you directly Deb).  If we are going to help our children not be focused on what they look like, to not have the same obsessions and insecurities that plague so many young girls then we have to work on that ourselves, and like Deborah mentioned change how we talk and be mindful of the example we are setting.  Children don't learn from our "intentions" they learn from our behaviours.

I try to think of the woman I admire most.  Women who have meant the most to me, that have helped to  mold and shape me into the woman I am today.  Women that when I think of Proverbs 3,1 their faces take shape.  What characteristics do these women possess?  Why do I admire and adore these women?

These aren't women who were fixated on the way they looked or complained about what they didn't have.  I admire and value them because of who they are on the inside, how they act and display their character, how they love and care for others around them, how they seek God first, others next, and themselves last.  They might not be the most physically beautiful women I have met, though some are, that plays no part, they have an inner beauty that radiates out.  They all possess personalities that draws others to them, a sort of sincerity and humble confidence that radiates out.  These are the things we need to teach our daughters and the other young women in our lives.

As women, and I think especially as young women, it is hard not to look around and compare ourselves with others.  Society constantly bombards us with these ideas in movies, tv shows, books, cartoons, magazines, and even in how we speak to one other.  We are encouraged to look a certain way, act a certain way, like certain things, not like certain people. We want to be liked, to be popular, to fit in,  to not be chosen last, and lets be honest to have that special guy like us.  However, when that is our focus, when those are the things we are really striving after and trying so hard to achieve, we are cheating ourselves out of so much happiness, and more importantly we aren’t  becoming the amazing individuals that God has designed us to be.  

Psalms 139: 1-3, 13-16

Let’s look again at verse 14:  “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made?  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

"My soul knows it very well"

How often do we thank God for the way he made us?  For the attributes that he has given us?  More often than not we see the flaws or the I wish this was a bit different, instead of praising God.  

God made each and every one of us with a plan in mind and to fulfil a different role.  When God created the first woman in Gen. 2  he saw everything that he had made and said that it was good, and he still feels the same way about us.

  

We need to start by resetting our focus and what we as parents and women think about.  

Read:

Philippians 4:8

English Standard Version (ESV)

⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

We must quit worrying and in turn teach our daughters not to worry about what we wear, how our hair is, what music is in, what gadgits are in, what boy noticed me, how many friends I have on facebook, etc, because you know what, in the scheme of life those things don’t matter, fashion changes, as well as music, gadgits break, you are most attractive to boys when you aren’t chasing them, and believe it or not but facebook doesn’t determine your worth.  Like Philippians says, you have to change your focus on to what really matters.  Focus on what is good, pure, noble.  Read your bibles, put scriptures up around the house or your room to remind you of things, when you start having negative thoughts about yourself, make yourself think of two good qualities, when you start focusing on negative in others think of good qualitites for them as well. 

QUIT the comparison game!   This is so costly and damaging to our relationships and does nothing but sow problems.  God made each of us differently and we are all important. Either we think we are better that someone else and drag them down without really knowing the full extent of their lives, or we belittle ourselves which is only causing harm as well.   

Please read through:

1 Cor. 12:14-25   

People will notice if you are different in this, if you have learned to accept and love yourself for who God created you to be.  They will notice that you love others around you.  They will see a true inner beauty, not one that is diminished by time, but one that will only grow stronger as you grow stronger in your faith.  When we change our behaviours to match these, and our focus onto what God has called us to be as women, then those habits and characteristics will be the ones we pass on to our daughters.

Also, never underestimate the power of prayer.  It is never to early to pray for them, to pray for that they become children of God, that they become the people He has made them to be.

It won't be easy, and I am sure my daughter will have her doubts, but I am determined to do my best to help her see how fearfully and wonderfully she has been made.